Living with someone can be extremely challenging. Whether it is your mom and dad, roommate, spouse, or even your children, all people are created uniquely and with their own set of opinions ranging from their preferences on clothing and food to their thoughts on morality. Each one of us has a unique blend of genetics and experiences that help us form our life’s perspective. You take one perspective and put it in a room with another and there is going to be differences…lots of differences. In speaking to people who want to get married I mainly talk about these differences and the importance of being able to understand your spouse’s perspective as well as your own. A marriage alone is difficult to balance perspectives. I have been married to my wife Alison for almost fifteen years. I know that lady better than I know any other human being on the face of the Earth. Still, because of my selfish perspective and hers, after fifteen years we find ourselves at odds on a semi-regular basis. How do we deal with specific issues with our children? How are we going to deal with our extended family? Just this last week we were at odds over how we are going to discipline Smith (our two-year-old) for acting out. Why is this even a conversation? Smith is our third child. Shouldn’t we have a template for this by now? If you think perspectives of two people are hard to manage, what happens when you put together the opinions and expectations of all of Christianity? Even though we are all linked by a common bond (Christ) we cannot get our act together. That is why we have denominations and in denominations we have sub-denominations and sometimes even that is not enough. Further opinions lead to church splits and the creation of new denominations ( and sometimes the lack of denomination or non-denominational). So when does this madness end? The Apostle Paul’s writings give great perspective on many subjects. Great understanding about the subject of perspectives, or disputable matters, is captured in Romans chapters 14 and 15:1-13. Paul, being a Roman citizen, could understand what the saints in Rome were going through. Some were converts coming from a pagan background (or Gentiles) while others were Jews that were from a background similar to his. Paul’s citizenship and Jewish background allowed him a perspective that spread understanding rather than strife. I see three things that Paul points out in this letter that will help us in our relationships.
1. We need to be patient with those around us that we believe have weak character. College was a great time in my life. I went to a small liberal arts college in Springfield, Missouri where theory and ideas took president over fact and truth. Until I left for college, fact and truth was all that I had ever known about anything (especially my relationship with Christ). I had never been challenged to think about anything other than the way I was first taught. Needless to say my world was turned upside down those first few months of college. I joined the campus’ Christian group…man what an eye opener. I had to actually understand why I believed what I did instead of regurgitating the “facts” that had been told to me for years. These people of “weak” character actually helped me grow in my faith. What they made me see was that my character was as weak as theirs, just in a different way. Romans 14:1 says, “Accept the one whose faith is weak, without quarreling over disputable matters.” Verse 4 goes on to say, “Who are you to judge someone else’s servant? To their own master, servants stand or fall. And they will stand, for the Lord is able to make them stand.” We need to see that God’s perspective is greater than our own. Just as Paul says, we need to hold ourselves accountable to our master and not “judge someone else’s servant.”
2. We need to understand the difference between essentials of our faith and the non-essentials. Paul writes about what is essential and what is not. In chapter 14 he writes about eating habits, special days, and passing judgment on those who don’t share your view on these events. He also speaks to what view we all must share. Verse 16 and 17 say this: “Therefore do not let what you know is good be spoken of as evil. For the kingdom of God is not a matter of eating and drinking, but of righteousness, peace and joy in the Holy Spirit.” Paul understood that God’s desire is not that we work to do the right thing, but to be righteous in His eyes. That righteousness is only obtained by our salvation though Christ. This one thing binds us to our God and to each other in our faith. What Paul wants us to realize is that no matter where we have come from, no matter what we think about special diets or days of the week, or even how someone is baptized, we are saved through the one essential; the blood of Christ (I threw in baptism in that list for a reason. I once parted ways with a business partner in part because of our differing views of baptism). I believe this speaks volumes into God’s perspective on denominational differences. Outside of our salvation though the sacrifice of Christ, we are to hold to what we believe but, “make every effort to do what leads to peace and to mutual edification” (Romans 14:19) and, “whatever you believe about these things keep between yourself and God” (Romans 14:22).
3. In all things, do them for His glory. I’m in full-time ministry now. I am the Director at Camp Barnabas (campbarnabas.org), a Christian summer camp for people of all ages with physical, mental, and emotional disabilities. When I’m not doing that, I spend my weekends as a Chaplain Candidate for the Missouri National Guard. How did I end up here? I once owned two very successful businesses that provided a great living for me and my family (not to mention a great living for others that worked for me). My “ministry” was my business. I convinced myself that I was honoring God and advancing the kingdom in the money I could give, in the boards I was on, and in the environment that I tried to keep within my companies. My perspective was off.
On my thirty-third birthday I started praying that God would fully use me for His glory. You see, even though I thought I was honoring God in what I was doing, I was only fooling myself. In my prayers I would ask the Holy Spirit to strip away anything that was a distraction and show me what He would have me do for His kingdom. The next year God spent taking away things I thought I needed to sustain myself and plugged Himself in instead. As I look back at the last five years of my life I can see how I was fooling myself into “doing things for His glory”. God knew I had to be in a ministry environment in order to fully honor His call in my life. I wasn’t very good at doing His work “in the real world”. Some have that ability. Romans 15:5-6 says, “May the God who gives endurance and encouragement give you the same attitude of mind toward each other that Christ Jesus had, so that with one mind and one voice you may glorify the God and Father of our Lord Jesus Christ.” Finding perspective that is God-honoring can be a challenge. I share this story with you so that you may better understand that by making yourself vulnerable to the prompting of the Holy Spirit will allow God to speak directly to your heart which will surely change your perspective. That is all Paul is asking us to do in Romans Chapters 14 and 15:1-13.
Today, as you go about your business, whatever it may be, look for ways that God can grow you. In your marriage, put your perspective aside. Try to see what your spouse is seeing. At work, try to understand what the big picture is and why your boss may be short tempered. In everything, adjust your life’s perspective so that you can see things from 30,000 feet instead of 30 feet. 30,000 feet is still nowhere near what God’s perspective is but it sure makes for better relationships.
.JPG)
